The Rise of the Tanoo

In our world, as well as The First and Second Worlds, there is an old fairy tale about a prince who was turned into a frog by an evil witch. When a princess kissed him, he became human again, and the two were wed. In The Third World, this actually happened.

Sort of. Replace the princess with a goddess, the frogs with the Tanoo of the continent of Farber, and remove most of the story, and you’ve got what happened. Basically.

One Hundred and Thirty Tanoo Generations ago*, the Tanoo were a very insignificant race in The Third World. They were the size and shape of an average frog in our world, and in the opinions of the horse-like Equinas, “Tasted like sex.”** Needless to say, they were hunted to the brink of extinction. Their entire populous was limited to a single swamp near the center of Farber.

Then one day, the Goddess Sharmane wandered into the swamp. The King of the Tanoo, Bernard, hopped into her path. He was having a manic-depressive episode and hadn’t noticed her. Sharmane, seeing his despair and being perfectly normal for a Goddess, lifted him up.

“You are sad, little Tannoo,” she said in Tanooese with him level with her slanted and sharp green eyes. “Why are you sad?” She smiled sympathetically, narrowing her eyes at him

King Bernard sighed with the weight of the world. “My people are dying, Goddess. The Equinas eat us all, and we have not the skill or wit to evade them.” His body slumped sadly, but Sharmane just smiled fiercly at him.

“Little Tanoo, I can give you the skill, wit, and power to not only evade them, but to crush them.” She touched his back gently with a slender and violent index finger.

“What is your price, Goddess?” he asked eagerly.

“You must wed me,” she laughed, somewhere between a giggle and a cackle. King Bernard of the Tanoo thought for some time. He knew that weddings involving Gods were a dangerous business, but he could see no other option.

“I will wed you,” he said levelly. The Goddess laughed once again, lowered the King a few inches, and puckered her sharp lips. She kissed him, and laughing again, cast him to the ground.

“King Bernard of the Tanoo!” She boomed across the swamp, beginning to glow with a white light. “You have taken the Goddess Sharmane as your queen! Now your people will grow to conquer all of Farber, and I will rule it alongside you!” Bernard found himself literally growing, until he was slightly larger than his new Queen. He croaked, flicked his tongue at the air (Sharmane grinned), and reached for her hand. She took his hand and laughed again.

“My queen, tell me what you wish of me, and I will obey. For you have saved my people!”

She smiled the sinister smile of a God. “Survey your people. Form them into an army. Decimate your foes, in my name!”

“I shall, my queen!” He cried. He looked out across the swamp; Tanoo all across it were now of similar size to him, and all were surprised by the change. They began to approach their king, and upon seeing the Goddess were all compelled to bow. King Bernard, still holding his new wife’s hand, croaked fiercly at them.

“We are now powerful! The Tanoo will rule Farber, in the name of our Queen, the mighty Sharmane!” A cry of “Queen Sharmane!” lifted up across the swamp, the Tanoo enchanted by their new strength and their new queen. It was followed by a rousing cry of “King Bernard!”

The Tanoo then set forth, and within two generations had conquered all of the Continent of Farber save for North Haber, for fear of the Nagas who lived there. The Equinas were subjugated, forced to become a slave race to the Tanoo, as had all the other races and nations of Farber save for the Nagas of North Haber.

By this time, King Bernard had fallen in battle. But by Sharmane, he had a son, King Bernard the Second. He was in reality little more than a figurehead; Queen Sharmane still ruled. She left Farber at an uncertain point later, when she became bored with the near absolute power that the Tanoo now had. Due to his mother’s Godly blood, King Bernard the Second’s lifespan was more than doubled. The son that he eventually sired was King Bernard the Third, who also had an increased lifespan and a son who he named Bernard. In present times, King Bernard the Fifty-Seventh rules. He is in the Second Generation of his reign. The specifics of King Bernard the Fifty-Seventh’s life, and the current state of the continent of Farber, are a matter for another time.

*The Tanoo measure time by the passing of generations. If the Tanoo lived in our world, each generation would last somewhere between ten and twenty years, approximately

**This quote is attributed to Shadememo, the fattest Equina to ever live in The Third World. He was a glutton, a gourmand, and a sex addict. The disposal of his remains alone warrants his own article in the future.